With the start of the new year, I decided to move from my quiet life of grief recovery and get visible once again. The unknown about how to do this was intimidating at first. So I decided to dip my toe into the notion of podcasting. Learning to pitch hosts, share a cohesive message, and speak clearly when recording were just some of the skills I needed to grasp to make this goal a reality. I must admit that I’m a recovering perfectionist. I don’t always like the messiness of beginnings. That’s why I’m sharing the six elements I utilize to build confidence in this process. You can use them for greater assurance in any goal you’re undertaking as well.
You might be wondering why this yogi and golfer would choose podcasts.
Well, the open road is one of my favorite places to be. In fact, the dogs and I spent 70% of the last two years in the van and put 60,000 miles on the engine. The spacious sky and diverse terrain somehow soothes my soul.
Without a human passenger for company, I find myself listening to podcasts frequently. They’re a cool blend of expanding the mind while feeling like you’re having coffee with two best friends (at least the organic, engaging conversations seem this way).
I wanted to be a part of something like that. To bring ideas forward in a welcoming format. To share about my latest book, Miracle on the Mountainside, and reveal that we don’t need to go through trauma or pain to embrace the power of our minds.
Since building confidence is an important element of mindset, let’s explore that definition first.
Photo Credit: Brandi Caskey at Indigo Photography
WHAT IS CONFIDENCE
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines confidence as “a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances.” I view confidence as the willingness to learn, to step into the unknown, and to cultivate new skills. Confidence is more than a feeling. In fact, the feeling we often associate with confidence is actually one of competence. We sense our strength when we have the skill set to meet the demands of the moment.
So confidence is really an embodiment of our competence. It’s trusting our skill set. It’s understanding that we all have to start at zero, and master the basics first. That’s how we begin. Then we practice. We get better in low pressure situations and refine our expertise through preparation. Then we raise the stakes. As our skills improve, so do the challenges we take on with them. More competence, more learning, some failing and flailing, and more learning. The end result: more confidence.
This is true whether you’re a new parent. Or, you find yourself at the unexpected place of caring for aging ones of your own. These six elements apply to taking on a sport, hobby, relationship, or any goal that matters to you.
Before I dive into the specifics, I want to give a disclaimer. The elements of building confidence aren’t glamorous. The steps you take are incremental. They’re often invisible to the outside eye and you might not receive much external praise for your progress. Don’t let that hinder you from pursuing your goals. Stick with your dream. Curate it step by step. You’re honoring your soul, your unique preferences, and your greatest good as you do!
Plus you’ll find more satisfaction on your journey. Greater trust in your inner wisdom. A stronger intuition and ability to receive good ideas, plus the surefootedness to act on those impulses. And as you go, you’ll find yourself more in the fun and fluid flow of your life. Think of a journey overflowing with aliveness and magic.
Sounds great, right?
It all starts with these six elements of building confidence.
(1) KNOW THE RULES OF THE GAME
One of my favorite quotes is “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might end up somewhere else.” Yogi Berra succinctly reminds us that lacking direction leaves us disoriented and discouraged. We feel aimless without a destination in mind.
This is somewhat of a paradox because the game of life is an infinite one. True, we begin this experience at the moment of birth and it changes again when we take our last breath. The space between is completely ambiguous, though. Yoga is similar. It’s an endless practice. Yoga turns into a finite goal when we set mini-milestones on the mat, like touching our toes or being able to sit cross-legged without cursing.
Basically, it’s up to us to set goals and move toward them. Where do we want to go? What interests us? What are we passionate about? Who do we have in our circle that we want to bring along?
Then, as we select the frameworks in which to play, we can learn the rules of each. Take golf, for example. The goal is to get the ball to each of the 18 holes in as few strokes as possible. In business, you want to have greater revenue than cost of expenses to stay profitable.
In the podcasting space, I needed to know where to find podcasts and how to contact their hosts. How did they accept pitches? How often do you follow up after contact? Which microphones and cameras were best for recording? What lighting is sufficient? What did each host expect of me once I was accepted on their show?
Learning the rules allowed me to be composed each step of the way. It also saved me time and energy with my actions. This will be the same for you in whatever venture you’re pursuing.
(2) GET READY TO BE READY
Preparation is one of the best approaches to building confidence on any subject. This involves doing research, noting the skills necessary to succeed, and finding the avenues through which you can learn those skills.
For yoga, this involves getting a mat, the proper attire, finding a studio or teacher, and working in a series of classes or sessions into your upcoming schedule. As a new golfer, you want to have the right gear, know course etiquette, meet with a pro, and embody the fundamentals of the golf swing.
In the podcasting realm, I needed to sort through millions of podcasts to find a match for my speaking topics. Then, I reached out to see if I was a good fit in their eyes. Lots of research. Countless sifting and sorting and listening to snippets. Writing clear emails. Being a kind human with clear communication. All of these were tactics that helped me get ready to be ready for actually speaking on shows.
One other bonus tip that will help you no matter what your goal?
Ensure your speaking voice is helping you and not hurting you. Read that article here.
(3) SHOW UP
Let’s be honest. Comfortable and familiar environments are an easy place to rest. Our brain actually prefers them because it saves us energy. Only building confidence requires us to step beyond the known and into the action. This is what showing up is all about. It’s about getting visible and testing your skills.
Butterflies zoomed around my stomach the first time I clicked the “Join Session” button to record my first podcast. I had not yet met Eric, the host, and nerves could have gotten the best of me. I took a deep breath and smiled. This was no different than meeting a stranger at a cocktail party. I find other people fascinating. Having a conversation on a podcast was no different.
I often have the same sense of excitement as I step up the first tee at a new golf course. There’s an element of surprise. The moment calls me to put my skills into action, and I don’t know the end result until I move.
As we show up, we put our talents and focus to the test. It’s raw and vulnerable and not always pretty. Yet, this element is how we build confidence and our competence. It’s also how we get feedback and measure our progress. This leads us to the fourth element.
(4) REFINE YOUR PROGRESS
Confidence is built through learning, failing, refining, and showing up continually. This fourth element is where we watch the game tape. I know this can be cringy. I’ve listened back to my podcasts, and while there are so many wonderful moments, I recognize my speech isn’t perfect. I’m still using fillers sometimes. There’s so much room for improvement.
And if I let my inner critic run the show, I might cry, stop learning, and give up the endeavor altogether. The persecutor in me isn’t a nice person. Actually, she’s a bitch. I don’t like her in the arena. So, I flip the channel to that of my inner coach. She says, “Hey, great job! Way to show up. Congrats on stepping out there. That was so courageous of you!” It’s from this loving view we make a new plan.
Maybe you pair your inner guide with an outer coach to look back at mistakes made and refine your progress. In any case, this reflection period is essential. It’s how you flip from feeling overwhelmed or like a failure to shifting your focus back to what you can control. Pick which skills to improve and why. Set a short-term target and practice to reach that aim. This further enhances your capability, which in turn adds momentum to the confidence you’re building.
(5) CELEBRATE YOUR WINS
There is a peak-end which explains how people judge an experience largely based on how they felt at its most intense point (the “peak”) and its conclusion (the “end”). This is important to recognize for two reasons. First, we can’t control the peak of an experience or when it will arrive. This means that we need to place our attention on what we can control: the ending.
That’s why I implore you to celebrate the wins you’ve had at the end of any experience.
Showing up is a win. Preparing is a win. The courage to start is a win. Getting ready to be ready is a win. And no matter how poorly you thought you did in the middle, or how many mistakes you made, there are always things to celebrate.
Highlight those. Amplify those. Use those as touchstones to propel you forward with more confidence. This will keep you energized and excited as you tackle the harder elements of your journey, or the more nuanced steps that might take longer to master.
My wins?
There are nuggets of juicy inspiration in each of the podcasts I’ve recorded so far. Check out this page for the latest episodes that go live.
(6) DELIBERATELY FEEL GOOD
The great news is that you’re not a beginner at everything. You’re a multi-dimensional being who plays lots of roles and has a variety of skill sets. When you intend to feel good as much as you can, in every area of your life, you’re bolstering the attitude of confidence. You bring your mind and body on the same page and memorize the pattern of alignment.
I feel good as I stretch on my yoga mat. I smile as I cook meals, walk the dogs, stare out at the osprey hunting for food, walk the golf course, watch the sunset. Pride swoons within as I watch my nieces and nephews grow. I’m thankful for friends that text me and how I respond back with equal appreciation. Love is all around me, and tuning into helps me remember to give it to myself as I take incremental steps toward my goals.
Basically, it’s amazing to feel good. So why not add more of that into your life? into your relationships? into every nook and cranny of your existence?
The best part is that the feel-good patterns you internalize get translated to the actions you take when learning something new. This continues the cycle of building confidence in a healthy and steady way.
PUTTING IT TOGETHER
Confidence is our ability to learn, be willing to make mistakes, and grow and refine as we progress. It’s an attitude that acknowledges our value and innate worthiness. Confidence is also linked to your competence on any given subject, and you get to decide what subjects those are based on your interests, preferences, and overall goals.
Then, you can incorporate these six elements to continually build confidence. Learn the rules of the game. Prepare. Show up. Refine your skills. Celebrate your wins. Feel good as much of each day as you can.
This will add more clarity and satisfaction to each step of your journey! You’ve got this, and I’m here to cheer you on!
Take Action Now:
- Send me an email with what you’re working on now, and why it matters to you. I want to celebrate your courage to expand as well as your wins along the way.
- Join me for our next Brilliant Becoming Workshop, where you’ll gain even more skills to boost your confidence.
- Love to golf? Or know someone who does? I’ve got spots available next month for my Focused Golfer Coaching Program. Check it out here.
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