You’ve likely heard the phrase, “You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.” Knowing this, you might selectively choose what you wear or what you say when meeting a new client, teaching a class, or pitching an idea to an investor. But have you considered that your voice itself could make or break the interaction? Your voice is a unique and powerful tool that can lead to greater harmony, trust, and confidence in your relationships. In this blog post, I’ll show you the essential elements to help you do just that.

A few weeks back, I completed a six-week intensive voice training with Roger Love. It was a goal of mine to fine-tune my voice ever since I read Roger’s book, Set Your Voice Free. The concepts he presented made perfect sense to me. Yet, I didn’t have the dedication to stick with his prescribed exercises. Heck, I wasn’t sure if I was doing them right. I needed personal feedback. Mainly, I wanted to know exactly what to do to make my voice the best it could be in an efficient, fun, and simple manner.

So, when I saw Roger’s small-group program appear last fall, I applied right away.

Roger provided answers to my questions. He taught me to redirect air out of my mouth, instead of up through my nose, to create a more beautiful sound when speaking. And while I can’t give you all of the lessons I discovered in his class, I’ll highlight some main insights here so you can use your voice with greater strength, too. I know that once you learn about the building blocks of speech and take the steps to refine your voice, you can bolster more faith and confidence in the interactions that matter most to you.

Photo Credit: Coco Ratta

MYTHS OF THE VOICE

Your voice is unique, and it’s a great asset to showcase the best of who you are. It can demonstrate your intelligence and creativity. It can accentuate your big heart and love of life. Only, many individuals don’t communicate their thoughts and feelings effectively because they take their voice at face value. Instead, let me debunk a few myths about the voice so you can make the most of yours.

Myth 1: I was born this way.

Most people think the voice they have is the one they were born with. Only, that’s not true. While we were born with the ability to make sounds—moving air past the vocal cords—we began to speak by imitating those around us. We mimicked the adults in our world to get what we wanted and needed to survive. Those habits might have served us well back then. However, many of those patterns might not be serving you today. The voice is like the mind—it’s malleable and trainable and you can modify your habits to match your updated desires in life.

Myth 2: You only use ascending melodies when asking a question.

I’m not sure about you, but I don’t remember much about grade school grammar. Although, I do recall the hard and fast rule that you only end your sentence with a higher note when there is a question mark at the end of it. Think about how you might say these phrases:

  • Are you ready to get started?
  • What do you want to learn today?
  • Do you have any special requests?

Now, think about how you would say similar sentences as a statement.

  • Let’s get started.
  • I’m excited for us to learn together today.
  • We’re doing today’s class on opening the hips and heart.

Did you use a lower note when approaching a period, just like you were taught in school?

Unfortunately, a descending melody makes you sound sad, serious, or unemotional. It’s time to break an outdated rule and finish on a high note at the end of simple phrases. You’ll sound happier to your listeners and add more spark to your conversations.

Myth 3: My words matter most.

Words are important. They’re how we communicate our ideas with others. Yet, it’s the emotional energy behind your words that determines how your listener hears what you say. Said another way, emotion precedes logic.

We are vibrational beings who pick up information from the environment with our senses. The sounds interpreted by your ears then visit your amygdala. This is like a traffic cop that determines where that information will go next. Since the language of the amygdala is emotion, messages of congruency, harmony, and trust will then get passed on to your prefrontal cortex for interpretation. If there is an emotional disconnect between the sounds and your energy, your listener’s brain doesn’t get a chance to process what you said. Your words literally fall on deaf ears. That’s why understanding how your voice works and refining it to match your emotional intention in an interaction can build a greater connection between all parties involved.

Photo Credit: Sergey Nivens

BREATHING PRACTICES FOR VOCAL SUPPORT

Now that you know you can refine your voice and emotional energy behind it, let dive into how you can do this. It starts with your breathing. Pranayama, or the conscious breathing techniques we use in yoga, are designed to offer a host of benefits. As you move prana, or life force, more deliberately through your system, you have:

  • Greater awareness
  • A sense of wholeness in the body, mind, and spirit
  • More energy
  • Better focus
  • Deeper relaxation, and
  • Less stress

Breathing in a deliberate way…

can also enhance your voice. More specifically, it’s best to use diaphragmatic breathing to do this. Here’s what I mean. Most people breathe superficially. Their upper chest and shoulders are the only parts of the body that move with each inhale and exhale, and they likely breathe in and out through the mouth.

Instead, your voice benefits from breathing in and out through the nose. This filters the air and keeps the vocal cords moist. And since you’re going to open your mouth to speak, you want your words to ride out on a solid stream of air. This requires a deeper inhale that expands the lungs all the way down to the lower abdomen. It also means it’s best to only speak on your exhales.

Simply put, the more air you use when speaking, the better the sounds can be when they come out of your mouth. This leads to richer, more resonant sounds that are attractive to your listeners.

Photo Credit: Ember and Earth Photography

THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF YOUR VOICE

In addition to better breathing to improve your voice, you can incorporate Roger’s five building blocks to create more delightful sounds. I found his principles to be simple and straightforward. Yet they opened my eyes to how and why I enjoyed listening to some speakers over others. I was given a vocabulary to describe my experiences. Now you will, too.

Voice Element 1: Pitch

Pitch refers to how low or high you speak. You could speak with a deep voice, like James Earl Jones, or in a high one like Minnie Mouse. The good news is that you have a natural range that’s comfortable and genuine to who you are. Potential problems arise in communication when your pitch doesn’t match your character or structure. What if Minnie Mouse sounded like James Earl Jones and vice versa? You’d be distracted by the incongruency. So, the goal is to have a pitch range that highlights your authenticity.

Element 2: Pace

Pace is about the speed at which you speak. On one end of the spectrum, you have a really slow tempo. On the other, a really fast pace. Again, we want your speed to naturally reflect your personality. Just keep in mind that if you speak too slowly, listeners could interrupt you frequently or make assumptions about your intelligence. If you speak at a rapid-fire pace, others might ask you to repeat yourself or feel bombarded by your words. Take the time to notice the pace at which you’re speaking and make sure it honestly reflects your mental and emotional spectrum for the greatest connection.

Element 3: Tone

Tone is determined by the amount of airy or edgy sounds that you make. If you have too much air in your voice, the tone is wispy or fragile. This might be great for pillow talk, but it can cause others to undermine your credibility or make you look weak. An edgy tone is harsher, uses too much base, and often has a rumble in the back of the throat. Ideally, you want to balance the edginess with more air for a full tone and a strong impression on your listeners.

Element 4: Melody

Melody is about notes and rhythm. Just think about a piano. It has eighty-eight keys and offers lots of sound combinations. Unfortunately, about 80% of speakers only use a narrow range of melody when communicating their ideas. That style of speech is known as monotone. It’s boring and predictable and easy to tune out any words delivered in this fashion. Instead, try adding more notes when speaking. Blend a string of different sounds together to add more emotion to your stories and keep an audience engaged by switching up the rhythm of those notes. Your listeners will thank you!

Element 5: Volume

Volume is about how soft or loud you speak. Many people shy away from speaking loudly because they perceive it as an angry tone. That’s really only the case when you speak in monotone. By adding more melody and volume to your voice, people will perceive you as charismatic, happy, and confident.

3 TIPS TO REFINE YOUR VOICE NOW

Remember, your voice is unique, and the goal is to highlight your authentic self with that instrument. Often, only small adjustments are needed to accomplish this. First, I suggest you ask yourself: what reaction do I want from the people listening to me? That sets your intention for the interaction. Next, consider which building blocks of the voice you might need to alter in order to get that desired response. You likely won’t need an entire voice overhaul to reach your desired outcomes. Simply craft the best voice for you in the most natural way possible.

Here are three other tips you can refine your voice to enhance your relationships:

Record Your Voice and Get Feedback

This is an exercise I would suggest to everyone, whether you’re a teacher or not. Take a paragraph or two from this blog post. Or, pick one from your website or your favorite book. Then, get out a recording device (or use the app on your phone) and record yourself reading that material out loud. (If reading isn’t your style, tell a 3-5 minute story into your recorder). Then play it back to hear what you sound like. What’s your pitch, pace, tone, and volume? Are you using enough melody?

Then, after assessing your initial read, try again making any adjustments you see fit.
If you’re a teacher, you can record longer sessions to see where you have natural patterns of speech. You might be surprised by your findings. Maybe even have a trusted friend listen in and give you feedback. The goal is to decipher where you might be losing your listener, and refine your voice so that you can connect more deliberately moving forward.

Pause More Frequently

Have you ever been on a Zoom call where someone never takes a breath while speaking? Or, taken a yoga class where the instructor fills every second of class with instruction? Those interactions can leave you exhausted and drained. That’s because our brain needs silence to process information. The pause is when we get to make sense of the words that were just spoken, internalize them, and get excited about the information coming next.

So, pause more frequently in your speech this week. Add in more deliberate spaces of silence. Fewer words with more specific emotional sounds increase the odds that people will get what you mean, like what you have to say, and trust your message.

Ditch the Fillers

Silence can work in your favor, especially when you use the building blocks of your voice to your advantage. Yet, when you’re nervous about losing the listener’s attention, it can be tempting to jam the silence with fillers. You know what this looks like:

  • Um,
  • Uhhh,
  • Like, and
  • Er

These non-words destroy the English language and make us seem less intelligent in the process. Instead, keep your lips closed until you’re ready to say something on purpose. Or, focus on taking a deep inhale before you speak. That can combat the temptation to fill the void with unnecessary sounds (and embarrass yourself with these tacky speech patterns.

PUTTING IT TOGETHER

Your voice is the most beautiful instrument you own. It’s a tool we can use to love ourselves and express that appreciation to others. Your voice is also a vehicle to align with our deepest values, share ideas with others, and build meaningful relationships. It’s a resource we were born with, yet can modify at any time to match our evolving intentions. Start by breathing deeply and speaking as the air rides out of your lungs. Then, use the five building blocks of the voice to match emotions to your message. Finally, add more space in your dialogue and eliminate the use of fillers to shine each time you speak.

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